No, I don’t mean like a tumor in the spiritual realm.
Today I’ll be talking about my personal spiritual growth and transition to a more intentionally spiritually focused life path.
So buckle up and prepare to mentally write me off as another one of those people who’s getting sucked into the spirituality “trend”.
OR MAYBE take a chance to read my post and see what lead me here. You might be going through the same thing or something in this post could resonate with you, if you allow it to.
Anyone who knows me personally knows I was born and raised Catholic and up until more recent times I have always openly identified as Catholic. However, if you were to ask me now I would say I was raised Catholic. A seemingly small detail, but one that matters a lot to me. When it came time to go through confirmation and devote my life to the Catholic Church at around age 16, I told my family I would not be going through with it. My grandparents weren’t thrilled while my parents didn’t seem to mind. They have almost always known they had a backseat when it comes to opinions about my life and how I choose to live it. (Something I don’t express enough gratitude for, in all honesty.)
The sacrament of Confirmation in the Catholic Church is something that I respect enough to know it was not meant for me. When we were taught about confirmation, it was explained as a sort of marriage to the Catholic faith. A very adult decision to be made when you are ready to devote your life while living it within the confines of what Catholicism decides is acceptable. So as a 16-17-year-old, birth control using, premarital sex having young woman I felt like that really wasn’t the right path for me at that time and possibly ever. I respect the faith and the sacrament in such a profound way that I knew I wanted to wait until I felt fully called to make that adult choice. However, Spoiler Alert: I still have not heard that call.
I have, however, heard a very different call from deep within myself, body and soul. A call to explore. A call to genuinely educate myself on my opinions and values and spiritual understandings of the universe and to come to my own conclusions. A call to search for answers, find what works for me, release what doesn’t, and pursue my individual authentic truth. This is the call I was waiting for and the call I am answering.
I believe we are all called to do what I described above – to search for our own set of values and meanings in this world and discover what works for us. However, I think I was perhaps a late bloomer when it comes to adopting something fully. Most of us are able to quickly assimilate into the decisions made for us by our family members and especially our parents. My parents and family had chosen for me to be brought up in the Catholic faith and I have, in turn, chosen to explore religion and spirituality on my own.
Many people, however, never do this. Many people are able to find their place in the faith that was chosen for them and are more than happy with their choice. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. I love nothing more than to make my family proud of me but I also know that, for me, that means creating my own path instead of stepping into the footsteps of those who chose before me. God would not have made me so stubborn, curious, outspoken, and tenacious if He/She wanted me to take my place in line just like the others. I know without a shadow of a doubt, God wants me to explore and find or create my place in this world.
I believe the call has always been there for me, but I was unable to recognize it for what it was. I lacked the kind of mentor that would be able to tell me, “Hey, Jordan, maybe it’s time for you to go on your own quest to discover what faith or spiritual meaning works for you in this life.” I believe I lacked that type of person in my life so much that the Universe/God forced me to become my own mentor.
Without going into too much detail and making this post significantly longer than it needs to be, I had a mental breakdown and certain aspects of my life began to deteriorate a few years ago, shortly after getting married. I dropped out of college, lost my job, and was unable to return to traditional employment until recently. Nothing prepared me for the experiences I had in the first few years of marriage. My husband and I were both tested in ways that we never could have imagined. But through it all, we have been able to grow such a strong, united bond and understanding of each other and what our relationship needs in order to grow. Before getting married I always wondered if my husband would really be able to put up with me for our lifetime, and these first few years of marriage have more than proved our dedication to each other on a level I was not aware existed before. Everything we have been through has given me so much proof that my husband was literally handcrafted by God to be my partner in this life.
Through various events I was able to rebuild the foundational aspects of my life. Thankfully, my marriage and home life have stayed strong and allowed me the safety I required in order to come back to reality, so to speak.
Having a mental breakdown was never on my list of “Things To Accomplish Before I Turn 30”, but here I am. Somehow, I’m thankful I was momentarily out of my mind. Sometimes the walls which create the boundaries to my reality are still a little thin and I’m not sure that I will ever return to a fully “normal” person again. Thankfully, I don’t really want to.
My mental breakdown has allowed me to awaken to a new way of life that I only ever dreamed could be real.
Through my challenges with mental illness and fragmented aspects of reality, I have been able to break through the conditioning of this world and realize that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. That there is so much more to this life than meets the eye and that I want to explore it all. I want to see it, touch it, taste it, feel it, smell it, and experience everything that this life has to offer.
As I read back these paragraphs, I can feel the embarrassment rising. I sound like I’m still having a mental breakdown… and maybe I am. The anxiety I feel about what people will think is all too real.
Am I ever really going to post this on my blog? Will I ever force myself to come out of the box I’ve been hiding behind and allow myself to stand fully in my power of all that I have learned and experienced? Only time will tell.
Most people who read my blog are family and close friends and this post is opening the door to conversations I have been avoiding for the past few years as things have drastically changed for me. I’ve avoided the topics for so long because I know it makes other people uncomfortable when I talk about it. I can feel the discomfort.
Part of my awakening includes being able to allow this post to go live on my blog and accept what comes from it. I am tired of trying to hide myself and everything I have experienced and continue to experience.
Here it goes….
There’s no easy way to explain that I’ve awoken to the truth that I am a psychic. I’m attuned to different dimensions in this universe and am still figuring out what that means, but one thing I know for sure is that I am, without a doubt, psychically inclined. I’ve seen ghosts, angels, and deceased loved ones. I have vivid dreams that are often indistinguishable from reality, that eventually come true or give me clues to certain events in my life.
I’ve been avoiding calling myself a psychic for fear that everyone from my Catholic upbringing will judge me. But I refuse to live this way anymore. I know that above all else, I deserve to be who and what I came to this Earth in this lifetime to be and I now know that includes being honest about being a psychic. I invite anyone who feels the call to explore themselves and their opinions and values to go for it. Religion or spirituality might not be the answer for everyone, but it’s the path I am currently pursuing to learn more about myself and my place in the universe and it has brought me so much meaning and insight. If you’re curious, you should follow that curiosity. It doesn’t have to be about spirituality or religion either. Maybe you want to learn to bake something or feel called to pursue something that just seems so strange for someone like you. Do it anyway.
The way I see it, people are already laughing at you anyway. You might as well make the stories they tell about you interesting, right? 😉
For anyone wanting to discuss anything having to do with spirituality or religion or psychic stuff, please contact me. I’m open to talk about any and all of it. I’ve mentored myself thus far and while my hunt for a personal mentor continues, I am more than willing to help give insight to anyone who may feel a similar push from the Universe to explore the mystical side of life.
Also – for humor’s sake, I figure I should let curious minds know that I can’t instantaneously read your mind and I don’t know the winning lottery numbers, yet at least. Realizing my psychic skill set has made it clear to me that there are reasons psychics and mediums can be wrong, these gifts are hard to understand and challenging to master. But once I use my psychic gifts to win the lottery, trust me, you’ll know. 😉