Sorry ladies, this one isn’t about you. I am a feminist to my core and fervently believe in the quintessential nature of feminine energy and connection. HOWEVER, this post is a little different.
This post, like Saturdays, is for the boys.
*Cue Deniece Williams – Let’s Hear it for the Boy*
Connecting with guys/boys/men/masculine energy has always come easily and naturally to me. Blame it on my strong relationship with my dad and grandpas, blame it on my masculine name, blame it on whatever you like but the point remains that I have a natural pull to connect with the dudes. They’re complex and layered, just like women, but a little easier to understand off the bat.
This by no means is to say they are simple. Alas, as much as I believe in the omnipotence of women, I also recognize the wonderful energy and capabilities of men.
Growing up I was the girl who was friends with all the guys. I played football during recess and cracked jokes with the best of them. They were fun and actually wanted to run around outside unlike some of my female friends.
Guys are easy, you can do something as simple as like the same color as them and you’re set. Most of my guy friends have been made through jokes about liking the same things. It’s simple, it’s easy, and it’s fun to be friends with guys. Who has ever seen two guys show up somewhere with the same shirt and suddenly they’re best friends? Yeah, I can confirm that shit doesn’t happen in girl world. So you can imagine why it’s easier to gravitate toward easier friendships.
Even now, as a married woman, most of my closest friends that I talk to on a regular basis are guys.
Now don’t get it twisted, we aren’t sending each other long ass texts full of meaningful things in our lives like I do with my girlfriends. Nope. Most of my daily communication is a phone call or text saying “what are you doing” and “when we doing something” or memes. Lots of memes.
These kinds of simple, easy relationships are what has gotten me through some really challenging times. My girlfriends are the best at being my shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to and collect ideas from. But my guy friends are my go to for the simple stuff. Want someone to just be there for you without shoving their unsolicited opinion in your face? Guy Friend. Want someone to listen (or in some cases pretend to listen) just so you can get a thought or situation out of your system? Guy Friend. Want to do something completely distracting from your inner turmoil and thoughts? Guy Friend.
Sure, I’ve done all of those things with girlfriends too but for whatever reason, they’re a lot easier for me to navigate with my guy friends.
The uncomfortable topic of the “friend zone” has been something I’ve always been aware of but seldom had to navigate in an uncomfortable situation. Normally, it’s because I’ve been in relationships through the majority of my friendship developing years and have been able to create a decent balance between romantic expectation and friendships. For anyone curious, the friend zone definitely exists but when you fill it with men who respect you enough to not see you as only a sexual object, it’s actually not awkward. I’ve been respected by the majority of the guy friends I’ve kept over the years and when that boundary is tested, I tend to create and maintain distance. The men in my life know that my friendship is a gift and will be given as I am properly respected. In return, they are also treated with respect and dignity and valued for who they are. It’s a symbiotic relationship that’s beautiful when respected and valued.
The thing about the men/guys/masculine energy I’ve been able to connect with and maintain in my life is that it comes from truly amazing men. Men who know themselves, men who respect not only women but all people. These men are magical and are the driving force behind why I know without a shadow of a doubt that feminism is for all of us. (That’s a topic for another day though.) These men want to not only thrive in their careers, but some of them also desire to be loving fathers, husbands, and partners to the women of their dreams. (Some of them are still available, message me for details if interested.) They stand fully in themselves, balanced in who they are in a masculine and feminine way that makes them truly the amazing men I’ve come to love and adore being around.
The type of men I am blessed to have in my life are the ones who still hide when they’re hurting, but under the right circumstances will show their vulnerability, thus revealing their true power. The type of men I have in my life are loyal, honest, funny, and proud. They have always respected my opinions, no matter how different they may be from their own. Sure, we get into heated debates and tell each other “you’re wrong” all the time but in a respectful way. The type of men I have in my life are supportive of my dreams and goals. They call me out when I said I wanted to go on a diet but then also buy a box of cookies. They challenge me when they see flaws in my arguments. They allow me space to grow and change and be whoever the hell I want to be without loving me any less. They genuinely make me a better person.
Do they still drive me crazy sometimes? Yup. Am I still told “deez nuts” jokes daily? Yup. But honestly, when I have such amazing, complex, supportive, and loving men in my life, I’m willing to let that shit go. I can handle some stupid jokes and sports talks that drive me up the wall to have everything else that comes along with these amazing men.
Ladies, don’t get you just one man, get many. I’m married to the ultimate man of my dreams, but I’m also lovingly surrounded by many men of my dreams. Some of them play sports, others play video games, some of them work in sales, others are laborers. Magnificent men can be found in every walk of life if you’re willing to look. Find the good ones and keep them close. We live in times where it feels like there are shitty, scary men around every corner, and while there are plenty of shit bags, there are also plenty of amazing men who make you forget the shitty ones exist.
Cheers to the men in my life. You demonstrate true loyalty, valor, grace, and receptivity. If you’re a man in my life, this post is for you. Thank you.
Disclaimer: I currently do not have any close non-binary friends so the language in this post may appear heteronormative and exclusive toward anyone anywhere else on the gender spectrum. This is not the intention. Masculine and feminine energy lives in us all and this post was written with words and pronouns for my friends who lean more heavily toward the male / masculine side of things. If/when the day comes for me to engage deeply with non-binary folx, I will lovingly create a post just for them. This post is reflective of my current life situations and not meant to offend or exclude anyone. Thanks!