Essentially, children are all over the internet. Some people have even made it their JOB to share their children and what they do on a daily basis as parents on the internet. But how do we determine consent for young children who have no idea what any of that means?
What about when the kid wakes up one day and says “I don’t want you to share me on the internet with strangers anymore. I want privacy.”
It seems like there’s a reason that more and more celebrity parents choose to keep their children in the background, away from the media and attention. Almost like they know something we don’t know.
As a new mom, I struggle to know the balance of sharing versus over-sharing.
I’m beyond thrilled to have my daughter, she’s literally the light of my life. I take pictures of her every single day. I know my parents did the same with me when I was small. My baby book is stocked full of photos of me sleeping, sitting, eating, and generally doing baby things. It’s not the picture taking aspect that I have issues with. The issue for me arises when it comes down to how we share those photos and the audience we choose to expose our children to.
I want to share my adventures in motherhood. I enjoy connecting with other Moms and learning from their experiences to improve my own mothering experience. I’m actually convinced that’s a huge part of motherhood – connecting with other mothers/parents to share insights and stories and overall community.
I don’t think it’s wrong to share photos and events and activities you do with your children. I’ve shared a few photos here and there on my own instagram and of course shared more here on my blog. But where do I draw the line, and how?
I know that it bothers me when other people post photos of my daughter without my consent. Only a few people have done it, most people ask my permission or know the ways in which I’m comfortable with them sharing her photos.
But why isn’t there a guide book for how to approach social media and parenting? Maybe I’m supposed to write that one, I guess.
How do you decide what to post and who to post it to?
I know many parents have private accounts so they can share without concern because they are in control of the audience. But there has to be a safe way to have a public account where you can share your child and your life within the realm of social media without overdoing it or essentially exploiting your child just to make money.
I’ve seen foster parents continue to share their foster children while finding creative ways to obscure the children’s faces.
For me, I think the underlying motivation is the most important thing to consider when sharing on social media. What is your goal with sharing?
This question then moves into personal parenting opinion – is it okay to make money off your children? For example – influencers who share branded content with their children in the photos. Is this okay? Is it okay to be a mommy/daddy blogger who only overshares their children and only posts branded or sponsored content? For me, that’s a no. It feels predatory and wrong. I tend to unfollow people who use their platforms to ONLY make money off their children. I prefer to follow people who share their parenting hacks, tricks, troubles, and resolutions sprinkled in with a few products here and there because hey, ya gotta make that money somehow, right?
I suppose my biggest issue lies in the intent and consent aspects.
This is something previous generations were never faced with – the dilemma of not only sharing your child with this physical world, but also now the digital cyber world. And because we are the first generations of parents faced with these issues, we are essentially writing the book of what to do and what not to do. Unfortunately, I see so many examples of what I think shouldn’t be done. As a new mom though, how do I know if there really even is a “good” or “right” way to do anything with kids, or if I just need to respect it as something another parent does differently than me?
Here’s what I do know: following my gut with these matters never goes wrong. For me, my gut tells me that I should not be exploiting my child to make money promoting things that I don’t believe in. My gut tells me that I should share my motherhood journey – the ups and downs, the triumphs and struggles, and everything in between. That as she gets older, it’s important for me to keep her included on the photos that I share of her and what that means. That I should focus my efforts toward sharing motherhood and not sharing content that would ultimately embarrass her or make her feel like an accessory rather than my daughter. My intentions behind wanting to post photos or stories of her is to document my journey, share it with the people closest to me as well as people that I have yet to meet on my motherhood journey, and to further my personal life purpose of living in my truth and sharing it.
My biggest hope is that the day she consciously joins the internet world, she won’t sign on to an identity that I’ve built in my image and be faced with the crippling expectation of filling a role that doesn’t suit her. I hope that I’m able to share her, and myself, in a way that creates space for her to one day pick things up for herself and live in her own authentic truth and share that in whatever way she sees fit.