A First Time Mom’s Thoughts on Returning to Work

My Sweet Baby, 

I knew when I had you that I would be going back to work. I love my job and the people I work with. I planned to return and continue my career, I planned to find ways to continue to breastfeed, I even planned my work schedule so I won’t be away from you for too long. 
What I didn’t plan for was how anxious it makes me to think of someone else caring for you instead of me. Someone else responding to your cries. Someone else feeding you and changing you. Someone else playing with you. Someone else watching you grow and change.

Will they hold you the way I know you like to be held? Will their voice soothe you when they talk or sing to you? Will you sleep as sound during your naps while I’m away? My questions are endless, but my fears are small. 

Because I get to leave you with family, I know you are being cared for by someone who loves you almost as much as I do. Some days your daddy will have you while I’m away and I know those days will be easy. He’s fun and takes care of you the best. I know the only difference you notice between us is that I’m the one with the boobies. 

But you’re the first grandbaby for most of your grandparents. They raised me and your daddy and I know they will spoil you rotten, but I worry if they will grow tired of your tears. I wonder if they will learn the ways you like to be held or understand each different cry you have the way that I do. 

I know no one can replace me as your mother and for that, I am eternally grateful. But now we are to the part of our journey where we must separate even more than we did the day you left the warmth and safety of my body. 

There are many more chapters and thresholds like this, where we will separate and grow even more fully into the people we are meant to be. You will continue to need me less in certain ways and more in others. You will continue to show me exactly how strong I am and how strong and resilient you are, too. It will probably always be a little bit harder for me than it is for you. 
But back to work, I must go. I loved my special time all alone with you, but now it’s time for our next adventure. I get to go back to a place where no one needs me to feed them or change them or sing them songs when they cry. They need all the other things I can do. You get to bond with the rest of your family now- even more with your dad, all your grandparents, and even some great-grandparents too! I’m sad that this time has come so quickly, but I’m grateful that I got to spend any time at all doing exactly what know I do best – bringing you into this world and being your mommy.